Oooh! Velly Scelly! (translation from Transylvanian: Oooh! Very Scary!)

Scary States

florida

We bring to you this report snagged from yesterday’s local news:

Apparently, Florida is the scariest of these fifty states. 

This is according to Estately Blog, which lists the factors which were considered in order to make this determination.

bear

Factor number one is bears.  Yes, bears.  One lady in Orlando gets dragged out of her garage by the head and everybody loses their minds.  Okay, that is kinda scary.

clowns

The second factor is clowns.  Seriously, clowns?!  It’s not our fault that the winter quarters of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is in Venice, Florida.  So we have more than our fair share of clowns (not even counting those Bozos on the road, but I digress).  Does that actually make our state scary?

hurricane

Number five is hurricanes.  I would point out the fact that (knock wood) we haven’t been impacted by a hurricane in several years, and haven’t been clobbered since Andrew over twenty years ago.  Other states can’t say the same.

shark

Factor six: shark attacks.  Okay, you’ve got us on that one.  But hey, stay out of the water and you can avoid that one.  I personally have never seen a shark at the beach.  Once years ago I took my boys to the beach and while they were out in the water paddling around, I saw a barracuda.  After it was safely past, I made the kids come back to the sand and we went home.  I think they still have some resentment about that.  You know what else they still have?  All their fingers and toes.  Bam!  You’re welcome.

The list goes on to mention spiders, snakes, lightning, and volcanoes (to my knowledge we have no volcanoes in Florida).  The report falls short, in my opinion, by failing to mention the scariest thing in Florida, fire ants.  Generally speaking, I am a ‘live and let live’ kind of girl, but these spawn of Satan have absolutely no reason for being other than to make people miserable.

fire ants

So maybe Florida really is the scariest state.  Let’s tell the Snowbirds that, anyway.

 

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